The Blog About Nothing


Usually when I sit down to write an article for my blog, I have the topic firmly in my head and most of what I want to say is already formulated. I just have to get the conversation from my central nervous system to my peripheral nervous system to the muscles in my hands and fingers, through the keys of my laptop, across the circuitboard and into the CPU, across space to my wireless router and then through hundreds of miles of wiring to the server that houses my WP account, through the screen of your computer, through space again as photons and into your eyeballs where your optic nerve will relay the chemical/electric signals to your brain where the information will be stored, analyzed and organized into what I hope to be a coherent thought. Simple, right?

As I write this piece I still have no idea what I want to say. It occurred to me that this post might be like the show Seinfeld, which billed itself as “The Show About Nothing”. Considering that Seinfeld was amazingly popular and ran for 9 years, I have hope that this post might actually be read by more than a handful of people. Who wouldn’t want to kill a few minutes of their life reading a bunch of words strung together that actually say nothing at all? As far as I’m concerned, that sounds like a typical evening spent browsing Facebook.

Most of my posts here on Dumasaphobic Diatribes are poor attempts at exploring semi-intellectual concepts such as religion or long winded “factual” essays that try to make some kind of social statement. Not today, dear reader. There will be no links to click, no points to be made, no grandstanding and not even an attempt to win you over with cheap humor. I’m simply going to write whatever comes to mind and see how long I will write (and how long you will continue to read) before one of us runs out of steam.

The question you may want to ask is not so much “What” I am writing about but simply “Why” am I writing it? If there is no purpose, why bother at all? I don’t know. And as promised, I’m not really going to look into this and find out why. I’m just going to write. I have to wonder if this is what Jerry Seinfeld had in mind when he pitched his show.

“Stuff will just happen” he might have said. “And after that… more stuff will happen.”

That’s simple enough. I can do that. So now all I need is to put one word behind the next and see where the chain ends. I suppose the challenge is to maintain some sort of cohesion in thought but then again, if you’re already starting to drift off, you might not even notice if I make a run on sentence and start saying strange things like elephants walking through cupcakes by the sea.

It is possible, dear reader that I’ve simply lost whatever might have remained of my mind and if that’s the case, you get the joy of witnessing the breakdown of what was once a very normal human being. I suppose that it’s also possible that I’m just having a bit of fun with you and taking you along for a journey into some of the slightly darker parts of my mind. Don’t worry, I brought flashlights.

Let’s be honest here. I did warn you in the title that this was going to be about nothing. I hate false advertising and I wouldn’t want anyone to feel disappointed so believe me, I am doing my best to deliver what was promised. Oddly enough, it’s easier than it might seem. Like Fox News, I really don’t have to put any thought into what I’m saying at all. Now if only I could find a way to get paid to let meaningless words flow from my brain I’d be one very happy little camper.

And so as I wind down this little jog through the mists of obscurity and silliness I want to thank whomever lasted the duration and are now reading these final words as I say goodbye. I cannot fathom why you did this but I can assume at this point that you might be just as disturbed as I. If so we should probably be friends because normal people freak me out just a little bit. I bet you feel the same way, don’t you?

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen goodnight.



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