The Only Thing We Have to Fear Is…

Saw this video posted on Facebook of Florida sheriff Wayne Ivey warning people that the terrorists are here and to arm themselves. I have only one response: Bravo! It’s about time someone told the truth. The terrorist infestation in this country is getting out of control. They’re worse than cockroaches. They’re behind every bush, around every corner. You’re not safe. Your kids aren’t safe. Your pets aren’t safe. Heck, even your plants may not be safe. You never know; a terrorist may want to rape and kill your rhododendron.

The only refuge honest, white Christian Americans have is in packing heat. The more guns you own, the safer you are. In fact, I think all licensing for guns should be suspended to make it easier for good, law abiding citizens to purchase an arsenal for home protection.

Everything you need for home defense. Or World War III.

Everything you need for home defense. Or World War III.

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Breaking News: GOP on Syrian Refugees

(AP) – November 20, 2015

As Congress attempts to pass a bill that would prohibit refugees from Syria from entering the US, Republican presidential candidates have been speaking out about the current controversy regarding the Syrian refugees waiting to arrive in the US.

“I think it’s a huge security risk to let those illegal immigrants into our country” stated Sen. Ted Cruz on Wednesday. He then went on to clarify that he was not speaking about Mexicans but rather Syrian refugees.

“If we are going to allow any of them to come into our home, we need to be sure it’s only Christians and not the terrorists.” Cruz’s assistant leaned in and whispered to him. “Sorry, not terrorists. I mean Muslims. I get those two confused,” he said, correcting himself immediately.  “After all, you never hear about radical Christians committing acts of violence,” Cruz said speaking outside a recently bombed Planned Parenthood clinic where three staff members were killed.

Sen. Ted Cruz throws up Nazi 'Sieg Heil' salute at a rally in New Hampshire.

Sen. Ted Cruz throws up  a Nazi ‘Sieg Heil’ salute at a rally in New Hampshire.

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More Musings

If a writer posts a blog and no one reads it, does it exist?

If a writer posts a blog and no one reads it, does it exist?

 

[My mind wanders a lot and this is what tends to find its way into my head when I’m not paying attention. This is not the first time it’s happened. Check out my first post Musings.]

 

If I ride my bike along the same path I took yesterday, am I re-cycling?

 

Do schizophrenics ever get lonely? I mean, they always have someone to talk to.

 

Do spiders ever wake up in the morning covered in human bites?

 

Fish don’t have lungs so they can’t cough, and if they can’t cough, how do they show they’re uncomfortable in a formal social setting?

 

Why do some men lose hair on their heads as they age and gain more on their bodies? Is this the effect of gravity?

 

Wouldn’t it be great if your seat cushion on the airplane turned into a parachute instead of a flotation device?

 

Birds fly south in the winter because it’s warmer. People live in Alaska year round. Are birds smarter than Alaskans?

 

Why don’t we ever have to trim our arm hair?

 

At the end of the day, where do Port – O – Potties get emptied?

 

If cat’s pajamas are so great, why don’t I ever see cats wearing them?

 

Why does the word “Whisper” sound like it should only be said in a whisper?

 

Should I trust any psychic that can’t tell me the winning lottery numbers?

 

Why does Wonder Woman need an invisible plane? Would a regular plane hinder her in some way?

 

I’d love for someone to invent gluten-free gluten so I can go back to eating bread again.

 

What’s worse than being an ear, nose and throat doctor to a giraffe? Being an orthodontist to a shark.

 

Why is it always the stupidest people that assure you “I’m not stupid ok?”?

 

~V

 

 

 

 

Interview with Bigfoot

Man or Myth?

Man or Myth?

Recently I had the opportunity to sit down with one of the world’s most popular cryptids, Bigfoot. Although he still maintains a very busy schedule even after all these years, he was kind enough to give me an exclusive, in-depth interview. I think readers will be surprised at some of his candid responses to my questions. We sat in his living room in Northern California where he resides these days when not off on his annual world-wide tour of wandering the forests of North America. While enjoying a cup of oolong tea, he opened up about his life, his career and even talked about the sex tape incident from a few years ago. Here’s what he had to say:

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Put on a Happy Face

Now this seems like a worthwhile cause

Now this seems like a worthwhile cause

I was driving home the other evening when I stopped at a red light. To my right there was a young man standing on the corner holding a sign. He was in his mid twenties, chubby with thick curly hair. His cheeks glowed a healthy pink and it was clear he hadn’t been missing many meals. His sign was made from cardboard and he had affixed some kind of orange backing to it to make it more durable and flexible (perhaps it was tape or plastic). This was obviously a sign he planned on using for some time. It was richly decorated with colored marker artwork around the borders and in bold black letters it read: Seeking Human Kindness – It does exist.

I found the sign inspiring and I decided to give him what he sought. Knowing this was a long red light, I thought I’d speak with him for a moment. I rolled down my window, smiled and waved to him and said, “I hope you have a great day!”.

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5 Things That Are Better Than Stepping on a Cat

Cat-Picture-Crazy-Cat-Cats-4

Ok, I know what you may be asking. You’re thinking “But V, what could possibly be better than stepping on a cat?” Granted, it’s hard to beat the exhilaration of accidentally putting your foot down on hairy feline, but I assure you life can offer so much more.

1. Crapping your pants as you drive to work. So you’re driving into work and just before pulling into the parking lot you feel a bit of bloated pressure in your abdomen. Nothing unfamiliar there. It’s probably a bit of gas from those Cheerios you gobbled down as you raced to get ready for another exciting day at your job. So you relax and decide to let loose. No big deal (unless you’re car pooling). Continue reading