Concerned Citizens

Scene opens in the basement of a small church in a small town in Alabama. A group of concerned townsfolk have gathered to discuss the looming threat.

Bill: “It just ain’t right, I tell ya. They’re practically on our doorstep. We’re all in danger.”

Mary Beth: Looking around the room at the others. “You don’t think it could really happen, do you?”

Buford: “If it does, I got my shotgun that’ll send ’em all back to Allah!”

Murmurs of approval from the group.

Harry: “They’re all terrorists, every last one of them, we all know that. Why is there even talk of letting them in?”

Carl: “It’s that damn Obama and his Liberal agenda, that’s what it is!”

More murmurs of approval.

Mary Beth: “I heard that not only are they all terrorists but that many of them are… GAY!”

Gasps of  horror.

Bill: “Oh good Lord Jesus… gay terrorists. It really must be the end of days.”

Carl: “Whaddya think they’d do? Do ya think they’d make you… you know… DO things before they killed ya?”

Mary Beth: In a shrill voice. “Of course they would, Carl. That’s what them gays do. They’re all rapists!”

Buford: “Sweet Jesus on a pogo stick. This is worse than I thought. Better start stocking up on my shotgun shells.”

Breaking News: GOP on Syrian Refugees

(AP) – November 20, 2015

As Congress attempts to pass a bill that would prohibit refugees from Syria from entering the US, Republican presidential candidates have been speaking out about the current controversy regarding the Syrian refugees waiting to arrive in the US.

“I think it’s a huge security risk to let those illegal immigrants into our country” stated Sen. Ted Cruz on Wednesday. He then went on to clarify that he was not speaking about Mexicans but rather Syrian refugees.

“If we are going to allow any of them to come into our home, we need to be sure it’s only Christians and not the terrorists.” Cruz’s assistant leaned in and whispered to him. “Sorry, not terrorists. I mean Muslims. I get those two confused,” he said, correcting himself immediately.  “After all, you never hear about radical Christians committing acts of violence,” Cruz said speaking outside a recently bombed Planned Parenthood clinic where three staff members were killed.

Sen. Ted Cruz throws up  a Nazi ‘Sieg Heil’ salute at a rally in New Hampshire.

I’m a Victim, You’re a Victim, Wouldn’t You Like To Be a Victim Too?

I’ve been told by numerous Christians that they are the most persecuted group in America and after checking the facts on this, I have to agree. For example, though it’s hard to imagine, there are still places in this country where loving heterosexual Christian couples are not allowed to legally marry. This is due to extreme intolerance from the gay community who feel that heterosexual marriage defiles the very sanctity of the institution and claim that marriage should be defined as one man and one man or one woman and one woman ONLY! The result of this is that many straight couples are unable to enjoy the legal benefits of marriage that their gay counterparts enjoy, such as being able to cover a spouse under health insurance and… wait… hold the phone. Let me just check something… Oh. Oh crap. Ok well… nevermind. Forget that first example. It seems I got my facts mixed up. Turns out it’s the other way around. It’s gay couples that can’t get married in some places and it’s Christians that are intolerant. Whoops. My bad.

Fair and Balanced

“One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity there ain’t nothing can beat teamwork.” ~ Edward Abbey

 

“Damn Obamacare!” said Floyd as he sipped his beer.

“Yep, I know what you mean” said Archie, sitting next to Floyd.

“Worst thing to happen to this country since the plague kilt all them people back in… what was it? The 1800’s?” Floyd asked.

“Worse than that even” said Archie turning to his friend and co-worker. “I heard on Fox News that they just found out that the reason Saddam attacked the Twin Towers on 9/11 was cuz of Obama.”

“Sheeet, is that right?” asked Floyd. He paused for a moment to take another sip of his beer. “Well I didn’t vote for him, that’s fer sure.”

“Hell, no one I know voted for him” said Archie. “I think it’s all a conspiracy. I don’t think he won the election at all. Bet it was the liberal media that just said he won and everyone believed them.”