The Flames of Freedom

I’ve been seeing a lot of photos and conversation lately concerning the desecration of the American Flag. I wish I could say that most of the conversations have been comprised of intelligent, reasonable discourse over the importance of the First Amendment and the concerns of those who burn or trample the flag, but sadly this is not so.

What I have seen rather, is the usual bigoted, “Love it or Leave it” sort of blind patriotism that all too often dominates these conversations. Allow me to illustrate. This meme was recently posted by a conservative Facebook page.

A New Environmental Crisis: High Levels of Smug

 

We are approaching critical levels

“You really shouldn’t eat beef, ya know… like, it’s full of hormones and stuff and like… it’s totally bad fer you.”

“OMG, I ONLY eat free range chicken. I think chickens should be happy before they’re slaughtered for food. You can taste the happiness in every bite.”

“I could NEVER eat anything that has eyes. Meat is murder, ya know? I’m strictly a vegetarian.”

“Vegetarians are SO unenlightened. My diet is pure vegan. You should change to a vegan diet. I feel SO much better.”

“I’ve eliminated all the gluten from my diet. I read it causes cancer… or something. Jeez, why don’t they have more gluten-free foods at this grocery store. Ugh, this is why I only shop at Whole Foods.”

“You don’t buy all organic? That non-organic stuff will kill you, ya know. The pesticides build up in your body and cause like… brain bleeding or something. Even my Pop Tarts are organic because the label says so.”

“You bought a puppy? I would like… NEVER do that. Puppies are adopted so easily. I got my dog Rex from a shelter. He was a 14-year-old rescue dog. He was blind and only had three legs. That’s like, the socially responsible thing to do, ya know.”

“You’re still driving a regular compact car? You know how much carbon emissions come from that? I totally drive a hybrid and we’re thinking of getting an electric next year. Don’t you care about the environment?”

“Caitlyn Jenner is SO beautiful, don’t you think? It was so brave of her to come out like that. I wish I could just see her picture everywhere I go to inspire me. Anyone that doesn’t just love her is a transphobic jerk.”

You Can’t Please Anyone

Just lie down and close your eyes. This won’t hurt a bit.

People love me… until they don’t. My non-fiction posts are often inflammatory as I tend to discuss controversial topics (and I do so with no small amount of sarcasm). If you share my point of view, you may find yourself cheering me on. It’s always fun to have someone champion your ideals or causes, especially if it’s someone who isn’t afraid to really lay it all out there in a brutally honest way. As I’m busy hacking and slicing away at my intellectual opponents, my supporters laugh and high-five each other and point out that all the “haters” need to develop a sense of humor or better still, wise up to the “truth”. (Whatever that may be).

5 Proven Ways to Write a Popular Blog Post!

The secrets of success lie within. Come inside and take a look.

I’ve been blogging for nearly 3 1/2 months now so I think that qualifies me as an expert in this field. In fact, what I’ve learned from the internet is that you are what you say you are. Truth, experience, knowledge… none of those things really matter. The Power of Publishing is all the validation we need. I Am Blogger, Hear Me Roar!

With that in mind I’d like to share with you a few of my secret tips for writing successful blog posts. These are posts that people will find and read in huge quantities.

I’m a Victim, You’re a Victim, Wouldn’t You Like To Be a Victim Too?

I’ve been told by numerous Christians that they are the most persecuted group in America and after checking the facts on this, I have to agree. For example, though it’s hard to imagine, there are still places in this country where loving heterosexual Christian couples are not allowed to legally marry. This is due to extreme intolerance from the gay community who feel that heterosexual marriage defiles the very sanctity of the institution and claim that marriage should be defined as one man and one man or one woman and one woman ONLY! The result of this is that many straight couples are unable to enjoy the legal benefits of marriage that their gay counterparts enjoy, such as being able to cover a spouse under health insurance and… wait… hold the phone. Let me just check something… Oh. Oh crap. Ok well… nevermind. Forget that first example. It seems I got my facts mixed up. Turns out it’s the other way around. It’s gay couples that can’t get married in some places and it’s Christians that are intolerant. Whoops. My bad.

Moronic Memes

This is an original meme made by me. Do you “Like” it?

If you’re a frequent user of that interwebs thing, chances are you’ve been exposed to pictures with funny or thought-provoking writing on them. They get passed around “virally” until millions of people see them. Unless you’re collecting social security, you probably know them as memes. Most memes are intended to be funny or silly and many hit the mark. Sometimes though, some idiot decides he’s going to try to make some kind of popular social statement and we end up with the subject of this article. Moronic memes.

The messages usually try to appeal to an emotional, poorly thought out, gut reaction to a complex social issue. I liken it to the torches and pitchfork crowd and the mob mentality that seems to dull the good sense that (I hope) many people have. Let me give you an example.

What My Favorite Television Shows Have Taught Me

Like millions of viewers around the world, I find myself glued to my television set whenever “Game of Thrones” (GoT) or “The Walking Dead” (TWD) air. I love these two shows. In fact, I sometimes feel my interest lies on the border of obsession. If that is true, at least I can take comfort in knowing that I am far from being alone in that matter. Both shows have loyal followers that few other shows in history have garnered.

Like most things, certainly most popular things, GoT and TWD have found their fair share of critics. Detractors of the shows point out that both contain a plethora (Oh, how I love that word. Thank you “Three Amigos“) of gratuitous violence and (in the case of GoT) nudity. To that I say… Ok. I will not deny that both shows are violent and GoT does have copious amounts of boobs and butts and even naughtier parts. (What a great time to have large screen HD TV screens, right?) Both show what must be gallons of blood, gore, severed limbs, internal organs and a host of other icky things. But is it gratuitous? I say no.

Fair and Balanced

“One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity there ain’t nothing can beat teamwork.” ~ Edward Abbey

 

“Damn Obamacare!” said Floyd as he sipped his beer.

“Yep, I know what you mean” said Archie, sitting next to Floyd.

“Worst thing to happen to this country since the plague kilt all them people back in… what was it? The 1800’s?” Floyd asked.

“Worse than that even” said Archie turning to his friend and co-worker. “I heard on Fox News that they just found out that the reason Saddam attacked the Twin Towers on 9/11 was cuz of Obama.”

“Sheeet, is that right?” asked Floyd. He paused for a moment to take another sip of his beer. “Well I didn’t vote for him, that’s fer sure.”

“Hell, no one I know voted for him” said Archie. “I think it’s all a conspiracy. I don’t think he won the election at all. Bet it was the liberal media that just said he won and everyone believed them.”

Invasion of the Pod People

I just finished watching The Faculty for the umpteenth time (I like that word “umpteenth”). Of all the “body snatcher” movies, it’s one of my favorites. For those that have never seen it, the movie borrows heavily from Invasion of the Body Snatchers, which in turn (as the character Stokely points out) takes its premise from Heinlein’s The Puppet Masters. Essentially, aliens invade Earth, replicate themselves in human bodies (or as in the case of “Invasion” replicas of human bodies) and slowly attempt to assimilate all of mankind. It’s a slightly more elegant form of what the Borg attempt to do. (Resistance is NOT futile, thank you very much) And if you don’t know who the Borg are… sigh… I’m afraid we have reached the line, dear Reader where we may not be able to communicate clearly at all. My apologies.

Of course, these scenarios are always played out in a horror fashion. The aliens always seem to have some kind of collective consciousness or a “hive” mentality if you will. Individuality is washed away and all the “converted” become calm little worker drones. The primary theme is the fear that humans seem to have of losing ourselves in a sea of conformity. “I don’t want to be a follower!” the subconscious screams. “Let me be me!”

The Toilet Seat Debate

Which way does it go?

For years a debate has raged between men and women who co-habitate about the correct position in which the toilet seat should be left. This argument is second in ferocity only to the debate about the proper way to hang a roll of toilet paper (The correct answer of course is “over“)

Women contend that the toilet lid should remain down as both of their bodily voiding functions require this position. Men feel they have a right to place the seat up when they urinate and should not be blamed if the forget and leave it that way. I believe I have found a solution to this dilemma that will appease everyone.