Kim Davis Memes

Who wore it better?

Who wore it better?

I’m being lazy by posting these, but they’re funny and (gasp!) actually make legitimate points so… if a picture is worth a thousand words, this is a full essay for me. Enjoy (or scream and rant and rave, whatever floats your boat).

Kim Davis

 

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~V

 

We Can Do Better Than Monkeys

Who flung poo?

Who flung poo?

Jon Stewart is now gone from The Daily Show and I lament his departure. I could (and may) write an entire blog post about his tenure and the vacuum that he created by leaving, but that is for another time. At the moment, I want to take a comment he made and share my thoughts. As much as I respect and honestly revere him, he said something in the following article with which I disagree (at least in part).

NPR wrote about him leaving The Daily Show and in the article was this quote:

“I feel like politicians, there’s a certain inherent — the way I always explain it is when you go to the zoo and a monkey throws its feces, it’s a monkey. But when the zookeeper is standing right there and he doesn’t say, ‘Bad monkey!’ — somebody’s got to be the zookeeper. I tend to feel much more strongly about the abdication of responsibility by the media than by political advocates.”

I find no issue with his critique of the media. It’s been quite some time that America (or much of the world) has enjoyed a relatively unbiased examination of national and world news. Major “news” networks (and the quotation marks is intended as sarcasm for those that missed it) are really nothing more than propaganda machines for political and industrial powerhouses. I’m not just singling out Fox News here either.

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More Musings

If a writer posts a blog and no one reads it, does it exist?

If a writer posts a blog and no one reads it, does it exist?

 

[My mind wanders a lot and this is what tends to find its way into my head when I’m not paying attention. This is not the first time it’s happened. Check out my first post Musings.]

 

If I ride my bike along the same path I took yesterday, am I re-cycling?

 

Do schizophrenics ever get lonely? I mean, they always have someone to talk to.

 

Do spiders ever wake up in the morning covered in human bites?

 

Fish don’t have lungs so they can’t cough, and if they can’t cough, how do they show they’re uncomfortable in a formal social setting?

 

Why do some men lose hair on their heads as they age and gain more on their bodies? Is this the effect of gravity?

 

Wouldn’t it be great if your seat cushion on the airplane turned into a parachute instead of a flotation device?

 

Birds fly south in the winter because it’s warmer. People live in Alaska year round. Are birds smarter than Alaskans?

 

Why don’t we ever have to trim our arm hair?

 

At the end of the day, where do Port – O – Potties get emptied?

 

If cat’s pajamas are so great, why don’t I ever see cats wearing them?

 

Why does the word “Whisper” sound like it should only be said in a whisper?

 

Should I trust any psychic that can’t tell me the winning lottery numbers?

 

Why does Wonder Woman need an invisible plane? Would a regular plane hinder her in some way?

 

I’d love for someone to invent gluten-free gluten so I can go back to eating bread again.

 

What’s worse than being an ear, nose and throat doctor to a giraffe? Being an orthodontist to a shark.

 

Why is it always the stupidest people that assure you “I’m not stupid ok?”?

 

~V

 

 

 

 

A New Environmental Crisis: High Levels of Smug

 

We are approaching critical levels

We are approaching critical levels

“You really shouldn’t eat beef, ya know… like, it’s full of hormones and stuff and like… it’s totally bad fer you.”

“OMG, I ONLY eat free range chicken. I think chickens should be happy before they’re slaughtered for food. You can taste the happiness in every bite.”

“I could NEVER eat anything that has eyes. Meat is murder, ya know? I’m strictly a vegetarian.”

“Vegetarians are SO unenlightened. My diet is pure vegan. You should change to a vegan diet. I feel SO much better.”

“I’ve eliminated all the gluten from my diet. I read it causes cancer… or something. Jeez, why don’t they have more gluten-free foods at this grocery store. Ugh, this is why I only shop at Whole Foods.”

“You don’t buy all organic? That non-organic stuff will kill you, ya know. The pesticides build up in your body and cause like… brain bleeding or something. Even my Pop Tarts are organic because the label says so.”

“You bought a puppy? I would like… NEVER do that. Puppies are adopted so easily. I got my dog Rex from a shelter. He was a 14-year-old rescue dog. He was blind and only had three legs. That’s like, the socially responsible thing to do, ya know.”

“You’re still driving a regular compact car? You know how much carbon emissions come from that? I totally drive a hybrid and we’re thinking of getting an electric next year. Don’t you care about the environment?”

“Caitlyn Jenner is SO beautiful, don’t you think? It was so brave of her to come out like that. I wish I could just see her picture everywhere I go to inspire me. Anyone that doesn’t just love her is a transphobic jerk.”

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You Can’t Please Anyone

Just lie down and close your eyes. This won't hurt a bit.

Just lie down and close your eyes. This won’t hurt a bit.

People love me… until they don’t. My non-fiction posts are often inflammatory as I tend to discuss controversial topics (and I do so with no small amount of sarcasm). If you share my point of view, you may find yourself cheering me on. It’s always fun to have someone champion your ideals or causes, especially if it’s someone who isn’t afraid to really lay it all out there in a brutally honest way. As I’m busy hacking and slicing away at my intellectual opponents, my supporters laugh and high-five each other and point out that all the “haters” need to develop a sense of humor or better still, wise up to the “truth”. (Whatever that may be).

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5 Proven Ways to Write a Popular Blog Post!

The secrets of success lie within. Come inside and take a look.

The secrets of success lie within. Come inside and take a look.

I’ve been blogging for nearly 3 1/2 months now so I think that qualifies me as an expert in this field. In fact, what I’ve learned from the internet is that you are what you say you are. Truth, experience, knowledge… none of those things really matter. The Power of Publishing is all the validation we need. I Am Blogger, Hear Me Roar!

With that in mind I’d like to share with you a few of my secret tips for writing successful blog posts. These are posts that people will find and read in huge quantities.

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I’m a Victim, You’re a Victim, Wouldn’t You Like To Be a Victim Too?

Jon Stewart religion

I’ve been told by numerous Christians that they are the most persecuted group in America and after checking the facts on this, I have to agree. For example, though it’s hard to imagine, there are still places in this country where loving heterosexual Christian couples are not allowed to legally marry. This is due to extreme intolerance from the gay community who feel that heterosexual marriage defiles the very sanctity of the institution and claim that marriage should be defined as one man and one man or one woman and one woman ONLY! The result of this is that many straight couples are unable to enjoy the legal benefits of marriage that their gay counterparts enjoy, such as being able to cover a spouse under health insurance and… wait… hold the phone. Let me just check something… Oh. Oh crap. Ok well… nevermind. Forget that first example. It seems I got my facts mixed up. Turns out it’s the other way around. It’s gay couples that can’t get married in some places and it’s Christians that are intolerant. Whoops. My bad.

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Moronic Memes

This is an original meme made by meme. Do you "like" it?

This is an original meme made by me. Do you “Like” it?

If you’re a frequent user of that interwebs thing, chances are you’ve been exposed to pictures with funny or thought-provoking writing on them. They get passed around “virally” until millions of people see them. Unless you’re collecting social security, you probably know them as memes. Most memes are intended to be funny or silly and many hit the mark. Sometimes though, some idiot decides he’s going to try to make some kind of popular social statement and we end up with the subject of this article. Moronic memes.

The messages usually try to appeal to an emotional, poorly thought out, gut reaction to a complex social issue. I liken it to the torches and pitchfork crowd and the mob mentality that seems to dull the good sense that (I hope) many people have. Let me give you an example.

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The Tragedy of Battle Creek

cereal

It had been a busy week, starting with the Frog. He felt no remorse, but neither did it bring him joy. It was, he reasoned, a task that needed to be completed and he was the man to do it. No one saw him enter the home and no one saw him leave. He’d spent years practicing and preparing for that moment. Countless bowls had been consumed and gallons of milk emptied. He’d collected the prizes that sat inside the boxes and played all the games and puzzles that the manufacturers had printed on the backs of those boxes. He was ready. He’d taken out that stupid red hat wearing Frog in one blow and left only a body in a pool of blood. There was no joy, but there was exhilaration. He knew he’d do it again.

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Conversations With a Cat

Never argue with a cat. You can't win.

Never argue with a cat. You can’t win.

Autumn came running into my room. She was her usual excited self. “We’re under attack!” she cried frantically. I should expect these kinds of comments from her considering what a vivid imagination she has. Her comprehension of the world is very restricted, which is understandable considering she’s only seen small glimpses of it through the windows of my apartment. Granted, she wandered outside for the first few months of her life before finding me, but she was too young to really process much. Did I mention that Autumn is a cat?

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