The Toilet Seat Debate

Which way does it go?

Which way does it go?

For years a debate has raged between men and women who co-habitate about the correct position in which the toilet seat should be left. This argument is second in ferocity only to the debate about the proper way to hang a roll of toilet paper (The correct answer of course is “over“)

Women contend that the toilet lid should remain down as both of their bodily voiding functions require this position. Men feel they have a right to place the seat up when they urinate and should not be blamed if the forget and leave it that way. I believe I have found a solution to this dilemma that will appease everyone.

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Waiting for the Big 3

The new "Big 3"

The new “Big 3”

Years ago the music world was blessed with the gathering of the Big 3. Of course, I speak of the Three Tenors, Placido Domingo, Jose Carreras and Luciano Pavarotti. Even folks who were not fans of opera were impressed by this gathering of three of the best known singers in the business. It was, perhaps the perfect storm of operatic talent. These three men, each a star in his own right, became part of something much bigger and showed the world that when giants converge, amazing things can happen.

Now I sit and wait… and wonder. Will there be a new gathering of the Big 3? I’m not speaking of opera now. I’m talking about the rock stars of modern popular science. The three men who are in the spotlight everywhere whenever science is discussed. The ambassadors of physics, the kings of quantum mechanics, the men that collectively make up the fifth universal force… none other than Drs. Neil deGrasse Tyson, Michio Kaku and Stephen Hawking.

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The Blog About Nothing

entropy

Usually when I sit down to write an article for my blog, I have the topic firmly in my head and most of what I want to say is already formulated. I just have to get the conversation from my central nervous system to my peripheral nervous system to the muscles in my hands and fingers, through the keys of my laptop, across the circuitboard and into the CPU, across space to my wireless router and then through hundreds of miles of wiring to the server that houses my WP account, through the screen of your computer, through space again as photons and into your eyeballs where your optic nerve will relay the chemical/electric signals to your brain where the information will be stored, analyzed and organized into what I hope to be a coherent thought. Simple, right?

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The Stupid Vaccine Revisited

stupidity-for-dummies-490x600

One of my first blog posts was called The Stupid Vaccine. (It was actually my second post. Technically speaking, I can only have one “first” post)  I pondered what the world might be like if stupidity were a disease that could be eradicated by vaccination. Such wishful thinking. As much as I would love to see this kind of Utopia come into existence, my fear is that we are instead heading for the future predicted (comically and yet with frightening clarity) by the movie Idiocracy. This would refer, for those that might not know, to the concept of rule by idiots. (Some might argue convincingly that we are already there).

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Words I Like To Say

words1

I love words. I love reading them. I really love writing with them (as opposed to writing with pancakes which is much less effective, but tasty). And I love saying them, or at least, certain specific words. Their sounds are like the taste of honey. I’ve put together a list of words that sound nice as they roll off my tongue. Go ahead… say them with me.

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Game of Thrones Funny Pics

Season 5 biotch!

Season 5 biotch!

And today I have another cheat post. I’m not really contributing anything creative (at least nothing that was done by me) but rather I’m sharing the works of others. Still, these are funny pics. GoT fans rejoice, laugh and prepare for Season 5. Click on a pic for the full-sized version.

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My Mancrush on Gary Oldman

gary oldman

I think one of the hallmarks of a good actor is their ability to blend into their character so much that the actor disappears and all that remains is the character that they’re performing. This isn’t as easy as it sounds and many actors can’t quite pull this off. A classic example is Keanu Reeves. Now, I really like Keanu. He and I share the same birthday so of course, Virgos are awesome. But I don’t think anyone would take the position that he’s got a versatile acting range. He’s Keanu Reeves playing Neo. He’s Keanu Reeves playing Ted. He’s Keanu Reeves playing Johnny Utah. He’s Keanu Reeves playing Jonathan Harker (ugh). He’s Keanu Reeves playing Le Chevalier Raphael Danceny (double ugh). His characters are a translucent coat that changes his hue (slightly) but leaves him still quite visible.

On the other hand, some actors disappear so completely that you forget all of the memorable roles that they’ve played. No one exemplifies this more to me than Gary Oldman. His is chameleonesque. A master of disguise. A shapeshifter. At times I wonder if he’s human or a T-1000.

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#Jeffwecan

jeffwecan

I’m a few weeks late with this “trend” but I don’t care. I love it. For those that don’t know, “Jeff” is the new suggested mascot for the Marlboro brand of cigarettes that comedian John Oliver unveiled on his show Last Week Tonight back in February. (See the video clip below for the full show. It’s worth watching.)

I wanted to do my part to help out Philip Morris USA, the maker of the Marlboro brand and Altria, the parent company of Philip Morris with the branding of their new mascot (assuming they adopt Jeff of course, but why wouldn’t they?) Jeff is a smoking diseased lung… in cowboy gear. How cool is that? As cool as smoking, that’s how cool.

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A List of Nevers

Lessons of Life

Lessons of Life

Here are a list of things I’ve learned never to do (anymore). Of course, this list is far from complete. Do you have a “Never” of your own? Feel free to share it in the Comments.

  • Never say you’re finally safe during the zombie apocalypse
  • Never believe your wife when she tells you nothing’s wrong
  • Never buy the warranty (stuff always breaks the day after the warranty coverage is up)
  • Never assume you got the best price on an item you bought on sale (the store across the street will sell it for less next week)
  • Never sit in the middle seat on an airplane
  • Never tell yourself it’s ok to eat that donut because you’ll work it off later at the gym (you won’t)
  • Never say the word “What” to Jules Winnfield (Yeah, I know you’re gonna look it up)
  • Never pretend to be a ghost if a goatee wearing hippy and a talking Great Dane show up in a multi-colored van
  • Never fry bacon naked
  • Never hide something away for safekeeping (you’ll never see it again)
  • Never ask what else could go wrong
  • Never call Marty McFly chicken
  • Never consume both a bran muffin AND a full glass of prune juice for breakfast
  • Never play Bingo in a hall filled with elderly women
  • Never go through the drive through (thank you Joe Pesci)
  • Never give a cat a bath
  • Never make Clint Eastwood’s day
  • Never sit in the stall next to someone in a public bathroom if there is a buffer stall available in between
  • Never text while driving (ok, this is a PSA)
  • Never try to jump over the tennis net (inside joke – ask me about it sometime)
  • Never change to the faster lane (as soon as you do it becomes the slow lane)
  • Never eat a McNugget shaped like a chicken head
  • Never assume winter is over when you live in Wisconsin (for my family)
  • Never eat a Habanero pepper without a glass of milk nearby

And finally… NEVER start to like a character on Game of Thrones

 

He said it in a song so it must be true

He said it in a song so it must be true

~V

 

Interview with Bigfoot

Man or Myth?

Man or Myth?

Recently I had the opportunity to sit down with one of the world’s most popular cryptids, Bigfoot. Although he still maintains a very busy schedule even after all these years, he was kind enough to give me an exclusive, in-depth interview. I think readers will be surprised at some of his candid responses to my questions. We sat in his living room in Northern California where he resides these days when not off on his annual world-wide tour of wandering the forests of North America. While enjoying a cup of oolong tea, he opened up about his life, his career and even talked about the sex tape incident from a few years ago. Here’s what he had to say:

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