The Only Thing We Have to Fear Is…

Saw this video posted on Facebook of Florida sheriff Wayne Ivey warning people that the terrorists are here and to arm themselves. I have only one response: Bravo! It’s about time someone told the truth. The terrorist infestation in this country is getting out of control. They’re worse than cockroaches. They’re behind every bush, around every corner. You’re not safe. Your kids aren’t safe. Your pets aren’t safe. Heck, even your plants may not be safe. You never know; a terrorist may want to rape and kill your rhododendron.

The only refuge honest, white Christian Americans have is in packing heat. The more guns you own, the safer you are. In fact, I think all licensing for guns should be suspended to make it easier for good, law abiding citizens to purchase an arsenal for home protection.

Everything you need for home defense. Or World War III.

But, then your neighbor will have a lot of guns too. What if your neighbor becomes a criminal or worse… a terrorist? It’s a known fact that the bite of a terrorist will turn a normal person into a terrorist. Maybe the best way to protect oneself is to learn to identify what a terrorist looks like. The following photographs should help illustrate what to look for when seeking a terrorist.

Classic Terrorist

Note the beady eyes, unkempt beard and strange headwear. This is the classic terrorist. They are often… What? Phil Robertson? From Duck Dynasty? Oh… oh geez, I’m sorry. My bad. I always get him and Osama Bin Laden confused. Let’s try this again. Ok… so… HERE is a classic terrorist.

Note the beady eyes, unkempt beard and strange headwear

The picture above is a classic example of the “terrorist” (the Latin name is boogiemanus Islamica).

This creature hates freedom, baseball, puppies and the Christian God. He is pure evil. Creatures like this one are often “Masters” with numerous followers. But don’t be fooled. Not all terrorists are so easily spotted.

Don’t let her size fool you. She’s a killer!

Some come in small packages. She may seem innocent enough at first glance, but she’s easily identified as a terrorist by the darker complexion of her skin and the fact that she was born in the Middle East. All natural born terrorists (those that were not bitten and turned) hail from the arid regions of Arabia. Scientists aren’t sure yet what spawns them. It might be all the oil that lies under the ground. Several selfless petroleum corporations have taken it upon themselves to try to rid the area of all of its terrorist producing oil. They are very brave to be doing that for us.

Because the liberal media tries to confuse the American public with silly things like facts and reason, it’s important not to be fooled by what you may read or hear. For instance, liberals will tell you that the three men below could be considered “terrorists” because of their violent actions.

The man on the left, Robert Dear was just trying to save babies from being slaughtered like cattle. Many consider him a hero. The fellow in the middle, Dylan Roof was a mentally ill young man with misguided Southern Pride. The last man, Robert Doggart attempted to launch a patriotic assault on a Muslim community in the US. He would have gotten away with it too if not for those meddling kids… at the FBI.

So take head of the warning from Sheriff Ivey and from Christian leader Jerry Falwell Jr. who has encouraged people to carry more guns so that they could “end those Muslims before they walk in and kill us”. Be afraid. Be very afraid. All the time. Every second of the day. Be so afraid that you jump at shadows and lose sleep at night. Protect yourself. Buy guns and shoot at anything that moves. More guns makes America safe from gun violence. Better to be safe than sorry.

Above all, never forget: You can’t run. You can’t hide. The terrorists ARE out there and they are coming for YOU!