The Toilet Seat Debate


Which way does it go?

Which way does it go?

For years a debate has raged between men and women who co-habitate about the correct position in which the toilet seat should be left. This argument is second in ferocity only to the debate about the proper way to hang a roll of toilet paper (The correct answer of course is “over“)

Women contend that the toilet lid should remain down as both of their bodily voiding functions require this position. Men feel they have a right to place the seat up when they urinate and should not be blamed if the forget and leave it that way. I believe I have found a solution to this dilemma that will appease everyone.

First of all, in households with multiple bathrooms, the answer may simply lie in designating gender specific bathrooms. For instance, in a home with two bathrooms, one could be female-only and the other male-only. If three bathrooms are present, the following rules can be utilized for the remaining bathroom for an amicable relationship.

In multiple gender homes with a single bathroom or whenever a bathroom is gender-neutral, these rules can be applied for fair usage:

Rule #1: Upon entering the bathroom, place the toilet seat in the desired position. If it is already in the desired position, congratulations, you can skip on to Rule #2.

Rule #2: After using the commode, place the toilet lid in the required position for the majority gender in the household. In other words, if your home has more females than males, put the seat down. If the opposite is true, put the seat up. In the case of a tie, place the seat in the position required for the gender opposite of your own. (This anticipates that the next person to use the bathroom will statistically be a member of the opposite sex.) Wash your hands and proceed to Rule #3.

Rule #3: Regardless of how you find the seat upon entering the bathroom, SHUT UP ABOUT IT! It’s a fucking toilet seat, for Christ sake. If you have nothing better to do than to bitch and complain about how someone left the toilet seat you need to seriously reconsider your priorities in life. You are not the center of the fucking universe, got it? How hard is it to lift or drop a toilet seat?

I hope this simple solution will bring peace and happiness to households across the world.

Namaste!

~V

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