A List of Nevers

Lessons of Life

Here are a list of things I’ve learned never to do (anymore). Of course, this list is far from complete. Do you have a “Never” of your own? Feel free to share it in the Comments.

Never say you’re finally safe during the zombie apocalypse
Never believe your wife when she tells you nothing’s wrong
Never buy the warranty (stuff always breaks the day after the warranty coverage is up)
Never assume you got the best price on an item you bought on sale (the store across the street will sell it for less next week)
Never sit in the middle seat on an airplane
Never tell yourself it’s ok to eat that donut because you’ll work it off later at the gym (you won’t)
Never say the word “What” to Jules Winnfield (Yeah, I know you’re gonna look it up)
Never pretend to be a ghost if a goatee wearing hippy and a talking Great Dane show up in a multi-colored van
Never fry bacon naked
Never hide something away for safekeeping (you’ll never see it again)
Never ask what else could go wrong
Never call Marty McFly chicken
Never consume both a bran muffin AND a full glass of prune juice for breakfast
Never play Bingo in a hall filled with elderly women
Never go through the drive through (thank you Joe Pesci)
Never give a cat a bath
Never make Clint Eastwood’s day
Never sit in the stall next to someone in a public bathroom if there is a buffer stall available in between
Never text while driving (ok, this is a PSA)
Never try to jump over the tennis net (inside joke – ask me about it sometime)
Never change to the faster lane (as soon as you do it becomes the slow lane)
Never eat a McNugget shaped like a chicken head
Never assume winter is over when you live in Wisconsin (for my family)
Never eat a Habanero pepper without a glass of milk nearby