Lessons of Life
Here are a list of things I’ve learned never to do (anymore). Of course, this list is far from complete. Do you have a “Never” of your own? Feel free to share it in the Comments.
- Never say you’re finally safe during the zombie apocalypse
- Never believe your wife when she tells you nothing’s wrong
- Never buy the warranty (stuff always breaks the day after the warranty coverage is up)
- Never assume you got the best price on an item you bought on sale (the store across the street will sell it for less next week)
- Never sit in the middle seat on an airplane
- Never tell yourself it’s ok to eat that donut because you’ll work it off later at the gym (you won’t)
- Never say the word “What” to Jules Winnfield (Yeah, I know you’re gonna look it up)
- Never pretend to be a ghost if a goatee wearing hippy and a talking Great Dane show up in a multi-colored van
- Never fry bacon naked
- Never hide something away for safekeeping (you’ll never see it again)
- Never ask what else could go wrong
- Never call Marty McFly chicken
- Never consume both a bran muffin AND a full glass of prune juice for breakfast
- Never play Bingo in a hall filled with elderly women
- Never go through the drive through (thank you Joe Pesci)
- Never give a cat a bath
- Never make Clint Eastwood’s day
- Never sit in the stall next to someone in a public bathroom if there is a buffer stall available in between
- Never text while driving (ok, this is a PSA)
- Never try to jump over the tennis net (inside joke – ask me about it sometime)
- Never change to the faster lane (as soon as you do it becomes the slow lane)
- Never eat a McNugget shaped like a chicken head
- Never assume winter is over when you live in Wisconsin (for my family)
- Never eat a Habanero pepper without a glass of milk nearby
And finally… NEVER start to like a character on Game of Thrones
He said it in a song so it must be true
~V
Never say never…
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