A List of Nevers

Lessons of Life

Lessons of Life

Here are a list of things I’ve learned never to do (anymore). Of course, this list is far from complete. Do you have a “Never” of your own? Feel free to share it in the Comments.

  • Never say you’re finally safe during the zombie apocalypse
  • Never believe your wife when she tells you nothing’s wrong
  • Never buy the warranty (stuff always breaks the day after the warranty coverage is up)
  • Never assume you got the best price on an item you bought on sale (the store across the street will sell it for less next week)
  • Never sit in the middle seat on an airplane
  • Never tell yourself it’s ok to eat that donut because you’ll work it off later at the gym (you won’t)
  • Never say the word “What” to Jules Winnfield (Yeah, I know you’re gonna look it up)
  • Never pretend to be a ghost if a goatee wearing hippy and a talking Great Dane show up in a multi-colored van
  • Never fry bacon naked
  • Never hide something away for safekeeping (you’ll never see it again)
  • Never ask what else could go wrong
  • Never call Marty McFly chicken
  • Never consume both a bran muffin AND a full glass of prune juice for breakfast
  • Never play Bingo in a hall filled with elderly women
  • Never go through the drive through (thank you Joe Pesci)
  • Never give a cat a bath
  • Never make Clint Eastwood’s day
  • Never sit in the stall next to someone in a public bathroom if there is a buffer stall available in between
  • Never text while driving (ok, this is a PSA)
  • Never try to jump over the tennis net (inside joke – ask me about it sometime)
  • Never change to the faster lane (as soon as you do it becomes the slow lane)
  • Never eat a McNugget shaped like a chicken head
  • Never assume winter is over when you live in Wisconsin (for my family)
  • Never eat a Habanero pepper without a glass of milk nearby

And finally… NEVER start to like a character on Game of Thrones


He said it in a song so it must be true

He said it in a song so it must be true




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